The sweetness, the bitter sweetness, the sorrow. The building up and the tearing down. I hate to say goodbye. I know that I did it to all of my friends and hopped across the ocean. Now they’re leaving me – New York, Chicago, San Antonio. And I’m left to build a new life in an old place. It feels uncomfortable.
These days the past creeps into my mind space. Every time I close my eyes I see it – countryside through a train window, a stretch of beach, the purple café on the street corner. I wish my life could exist in a composite city – Montmartre, El Raval, Hamra, and East Austin, all in one space, one web, and all those who I loved in each place would be within my reach.
When the web threatens to unravel, as it is now, I want to jump ship – move. I’ll just start over and maybe in this new city everything will be as I want it to be. It never lasts, I know that. I can’t help but run away. I think I feel things too deeply sometimes. Too much love and too much sadness.